FINDING ME, VIOLA DAVIS

 

"My entire life had been struggle and survival. I'd been on my own since age seventeen. The fact that it was hard, shitty, was nothing new, but the biggest struggle was keeping hope and belief in myself. Then, finding an art community for support while fighting my ass off to stay alive." - Viola Davis in her book, 'Finding Me'

My biggest beef with poverty is that it sets one a million steps back. Poverty and lack will have you questioning your worth even when you receive what you have tirelessly worked your ass off for. Your voice is in constant fear-mode on subjects you're well-versed on. Your confidence is almost non-existent in rooms you deem above you. Saying 'no' is not part of your vocabulary because you always consider others before you. Yet, you are capable and deserving. More than deserving. Because who, if not you?

Getting out of this pit is one of the most difficult things one has to go through. Unfortunately, a majority of Black people relate with this narrative because of the way the world is set up against us. We are in constant survival mode and our chances of making it out alive are close to nil. Viola narrates further in her book that, "He who has resources has choices." Resources can range from accessing the best education to having support at home - especially - and in other communities we are a part of. 

The chapter on 'Sisterhood' is one of my favourites in the book because it shows us how far Viola and her sisters carried each other and went above and beyond to see each other thrive. We continue to see this pattern as Viola gets older, is able to make her own money and believes she can save her family. Enter Black Tax. While going back to her childhood home to help where she could was detrimental to her mental health, we also see that she was the light at the end of this tunnel even though that wasn't, and couldn't be, enough.

Organically, parents want to see their children succeed but the odds aren't always in their favour and it's when one gets older that they realise that their parents made do with what they had. Equally, when children succeed, they want to thank their parents for raising them - young Viola tries to save her family but it isn't enough because she herself still needs saving. She is still at infancy as an adult. She still has so much  trauma to work through, which includes the abuse she suffered and witnessed with her parents.

While walking out and disowning one's family is an option, not many people are afforded that. She could have easily chosen herself but I imagine that would have meant her nephews and nieces would not have had their grandparents fighting for custody when their parents were incapable of parenting. She could have walked out but that would have meant more nights without electricity and more days without food for everyone under her parents' roof. Her mother needed saving but could not leave - this is the part of Viola's story that makes me angry (and I wonder if I have that right) because I imagine maybe her children would have been better off without an abusive father and had their trauma lessened.

Again, they that have resources can afford choices. Leaving is not an option when you have nowhere else to go. While everyone is responsible for their own lives, our choices still affect those around us. As Black people, our lives are woven together in a way that is difficult to leave. Fortunately for Viola, she was able to access therapy later in her life. And maybe for her mother, her father somehow softening up with old age was her own therapy. Hearing other people's stories makes me want to do better and in true millennial wisdom - 'may we raise children that will not need therapy to heal from their childhood' and that is a mammoth task. This requires us to equip ourselves in new ways that we have to teach ourselves. Learning to leave. Learning to put ourselves first. Learning to call out our parents. Learning to say no. Learning to rest. Learning to ask for help. Learning to just be. May we find ourselves.